Mischief Managed
by porcelaindakota
Summary: [AU] The Gaang goes to Hogwarts, where much magical mischief ensues. Completely unconnected oneshots.
1. Aang's First Day

_Disclaimer: if I owned either Avatar or Harry Potter, Zuko wouldn't have flilpped in CoD, and Ron and Hermione would have gotten together long before page 625. (is that even the right page number? more evidence I'm not JKR)_

* * *

Aang was nervous. Aang was so nervous, he was sweating. Aang was so nervous, he was sweating and he was pretty sure he'd peed his pants. The Great Hall was huge, massive, with hundreds of candles floating in midair, and even more hundreds of faces, some friendly, some inquisitive, some downright threatening, peering his way as he slowly, painstakingly moved towards the rickety little stool.

And when he finally reached the stool, he fell into it so hard he feared he'd broken it. There was a rumble of laughter from the students seated near him, at the heads of their tables, and Aang gulped as the hat was placed on his head.

He shut his eyes, clenched onto the seat of the stool, and listened to the hat's demented muttering: _'Aah, plenty brave, I see… yes, yes, very brave… but yet, not unintelligent, certainly not… and a hard, honest worker… but very caring, not at all self-seeking…'_

Then Aang felt the hat shift and expand on his head: _'Gryffindor!' _it cried, and Aang sagged on the spot, relief flooding through him: the hat began to whisper to him again, '_Bald, boy, you're bald, a true Gryffindor would have hair—' _but Aang flung off the hat and raced to the long crimson Gryffindor table. One of the older students took him by the shoulder and led him to an open spot on the benches.

Aang stared at his fellow Gryffindors: the boy sitting next to him laughed at Aang's wide-eyed gaze. The boy was perhaps a head taller than Aang, with very bright blue eyes; he wore his hair in a rather peculiar ponytail.

Aang was surprised when the boy held out his hand: "I'm Sokka," he said, grinning lazily. "Welcome to Hogwarts."

"Thanks," Aang said. "What year are you?"

"Fifth."

"Oh." Aang couldn't think of anything else to say or ask; suddenly he couldn't recall any of the questions that had burned him on the journey to Hogwarts. But his lapse didn't seem to trouble Sokka; the older boy actually looked quite delighted, confusing Aang until he realized that food had appeared in the middle of the table.

He ate in silence for a few moments, taking his time to observe his other classmates. Across from Sokka sat a rather odd looking girl; her eyes were _white, _Aang realized with a jolt. He peered at her in utter fascination until her (rather rude) voice knocked him out of his reverie: "What are you looking at, Twinkletoes?"

Aang practically fell out of his seat. "Just…nothing…it's, I, er…your _eyes…_"

"They're white," Sokka added helpfully through a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

"They're also broken," Toph said.

There was a long silence as the truth sunk in.

"_Oh," _said Aang. "So that would mean…"

"Yes, genius, I'm blind."

"Like, you can't see?" Sokka had emerged from his plate, only to be hit dead-on with a pork chop.

Aang laughed. "You have good aim, for someone who's blind."

Aang expected her to take offense at the comment, but instead she seemed rather pleased. "Thank you," the girl replied prettily. "I'm Toph, by the way."

"Aang—and the guy with the pork chop on his face is Sokka." Toph let out an appreciative guffaw. However, in order to ignore the ensuing shouting match between Sokka and Toph—'_There is meat! On my face!'—_Aang was forced to turn and look down the rest of the table.

On Sokka's other side sat another boy, slightly taller than Sokka, with pale skin, dark hair, and a very large scar. (Aang made a mental note, after seeing Toph pelting Sokka with still more food, not to ask the boy how he'd got it. Or at least to let Toph do it).

And then, across from the scarred boy…

Aang swallowed hard. The girl was pretty, _very _pretty. She had long dark hair braided back into a long plait and curling around her face. Her eyes were big and blue, and caught his with a pretty smile. Something melted in Aang's stomach; he hurriedly turned back to his food.

In a further attempt to avoid the pretty girl's gaze, Aang glanced around the Hall, his eyes now landing on the staff table: the giant, Pipsqueak, who had led the first-years' boats across the lake, waved merrily at him; on his right, a nervous man in blue clothing was deep in conversation with another teacher, and, when he realized Aang was looking at him, began to foam and passed out, sinking under the tablecloth.

Next to the foaming professor's now unoccupied chair sat a man in dark crimson robes, with terrifyingly large sideburns. The man's eyes flickered to Aang's, and he felt a strange, painful twinge in his tattoos.

"Sokka?" he asked, poking the older boy in the arm. "_Sokka?" _

"Yeah, Aang?" Sokka replied after a moment, his voice somewhat muffled due to the large purple napkin he held protectively over his face.

"Who's that teacher next to the…the foamy guy? With the sideburns?"

"Oh, that's Professor Zhao. Teaches Potions. Bit nasty. Hates all the students. He kidnaps first-years and locks them in his dungeon."

But before Aang could ask more about the sinister-looking Zhao, or before Toph could get in another barrage of food (students from all down the table were passing their plates to her), there was a loud _ping _from the staff table. Students all around the Hall turned as one to watch as a short, rotund man stood from the center of the table, still clutching a teacup in his hand. "_Headmaster Iroh," _Sokka whispered in Aang's ear.

"Students!" the Headmaster called. "Welcome back to another year at Hogwarts! A few notices before the year begins!" He then slurped his tea rather loudly.

"First, Mr. Pakku would like to request that students cease throwing Fanged Frisbees in the corridors. Additionally, there is a list of banned items posted on Mr. Pakku's office door. _Slurp. _

"Finally, I need to clarify one more rule for our older students," continued Iroh. _Slurp. _"The Forbidden Forest"—he made a vague gesture to Zhao's sideburns, while giving the female members of the Slytherin table a significant look—_slurp_—"is entirely off limits. We are determined to root out any, er… _explorations."_

Then he clapped. "Now, off to bed, students! Prefects will show the first-year students to their dormitories." _Slurp. _

There were scrapes and shouts all across the Hall as students pushed out their benches and rushed out; meanwhile, Sokka stood, calling down the Gryffindor table. "First years! Line up and follow me!"

Aang practically fell backwards off the bench. "_You're _a prefect?" he asked, aghast at the thought that someone as… _Sokka-ish _as Sokka could be given any sort of responsibility. (He'd just been beaten up in a savage food fight by a blind first year!)

"Yep," Sokka said proudly, puffing out his chest to show his badge. "And here's my comrade in arms," he said, throwing an arm around the scar-faced boy.

"_Zuko?" _The pretty girl had come up behind them, and Aang realized, studying their faces, that she and Sokka were siblings. "_Zuko's _the other prefect?"

Zuko scowled at her. "Yes, Katara, I'm a prefect. There aren't any fifth-year female Gryffindors, and apparently my uncle decided it would be _funny _to pair me and Sokka up." He paused, fingering his badge. "But just to be clear, I wear the pants in this partnership."

"So what am I?" Sokka said indignantly.

"I'm sure you can guess," Zuko said. "In the meantime, I'll take care of the first-years. If I'm lucky, Uncle will see you not doing your job, and a certain someone will get his badge taken away." Then he turned to Aang and Toph. "Are you two seriously the only first years we have?"

"Um…" In the difficult moment, Aang resorted to picking his ear, a somewhat tricky job, what with his new, pointed wizard hat.

"There _were _a couple others," Toph replied, "But I do seem to remember something about a confrontation in the line for the lavatory on the train…"

Zuko seemed entirely nonplussed. "Makes my job easier. Come on, you two."

He led them, alone, out of the hall; they were three stories up before Sokka and Katara caught up with them.

"Don't you see?" Sokka said, wheezing and doubled over, gasping for breath; he had apparently sprinted up the flights of stairs. "This is perfect! Two first years, two prefects…"—"_one _prefect," Zuko muttered—but Sokka simply elbowed him and kept going. "We can be… we can be… be… Hogwarts buddies! We can each adopt a first year!"

Katara snorted. "Do you even hear yourself?" Sokka also chose to ignore her; Toph compensated by shoving him into the trick step, where he remained trapped up to his knees.

"Should we do something? Wait for him?" Aang asked, as the other three moved resolutely on, leaving Sokka struggling behind them.

"Good point," Katara said. She turned to Zuko. "Password?"

"Right. Sokka! Password's 'ginseng'!" His only reply was a string of curse words. Toph shouted a few back at him.

Zuko looked impressed. "I think I like you," he said to Toph.

The blind girl did not look nearly so enchanted. "Don't get used to it," she replied.

Aang smiled, his nervousness far gone. If this was the first day of school, how bad could the rest of it be?

* * *

I'm planning on doing this as a series: mainly just whatever random Avatar/HP jokes I can think of. They probably won't be connected or have a plot or anything at all: just whatever pops up.

Hope you liked! Reviews are love.

-sugarland


	2. Pathetic!

Sokka was in love.

She was five-foot-five, and an American exchange student. She was cute and funny and utterly _perfect. _

Her name was Suki.

So far, she didn't seem to know Sokka existed, despite the fact that they were both in the same year. And the same House. They studied in the same common room, ate in the same hall… they had all their classes together.

And yet she hadn't noticed him at all, except when he'd made a complete fool of himself and tripped on a puddle of antidote during Potions class. (He'd been staring at her too intensely to watch where he was going). His grades had dipped because he was too busy watching her to take notes in class or do homework in the common room. Sokka was, as Toph had so eloquently put it after he had mistakenly confided in her, "totally whipped".

Normally, Sokka didn't have a problem asking out a girl. He was handsome, he was a Quidditch star, he was confident—he was never nervous or sweating or any of the various symptoms Suki inflicted on him when he tried to ask a girl out. Zuko had once described the three phases of a "Sokka-ship": he would ask a girl out, make out with her for a few weeks, and then dump her. It was like clockwork.

Except now, Sokka couldn't even talk to her, much less ask her out. And he'd probably die of heart failure if he so much as held Suki's hand; he couldn't imagine what would happen if he got close enough to kiss her.

To make matters worse? This weekend was a Hogsmeade weekend, and Sokka was sure he wouldn't be able to successfully ask her in time.

Sokka was in love. And he was completely and utterly doomed.

* * *

Zero hour. First period. History of Magic. 

Mission: establish contact.

Professor Roku was so boring he put all the students to sleep anyway, and Roku himself was so inattentive he wouldn't notice if Sokka pulled Suki onto a desk and started kissing her senseless. It was the perfect class for Sokka to pull himself together and start some serious flirting.

"_Psst!" _The plan was to ask for a spare quill, and start a suave, casual conversation from there. It was a tactic that had worked on eight Slytherins, thirteen Hufflepuffs, six Gryffindors, and four Ravenclaws. (And one teacher, She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named).

"_Suki!" _She was sitting right in front of him; how could she not hear? "_Hey!"_

Sokka vaguely registered a poke in his shoulder, and then a scrap of parchment floating across the desk to him: **let me guess… you're going to ask her for a quill?**

**Shut up, Zuko, **he wrote back, and then returned to the task at hand.

"_Psst! Suki!" _

Another poke. That annoying piece of parchment was back. **I think she's ignoring you. **

**I think you're a fat stupidhead. **

**Real mature. Anyway, I can tell you why she's ignoring you. **

Sokka paused.

**Have I ever told you how incredibly intelligent and handsome you are? **

**No, actually. Tell me more. **

**What? Tell me why Suki's ignoring me. **

**I think I'm too upset. My feelings are still hurt by being called a fat stupidhead. **

**Fine. You are quite obviously the best in our year. **

**Continue.**

**It's a shame you don't play Quidditch, because you're far better than me.**

**More. **

**All the girls in the school want you.**

**My ego still feels a bit bruised.**

**Your eyes are like limpid pools of molten gold.**

**Way too disturbing. You're done. **

**So tell me!**

**The big secret? She's ignoring you because she's trying to take notes. **

"_What?" _Sokka hissed, forgetting the note game. "Do American girls have some kind of superpower that lets them listen to Roku without falling asleep?"

Sokka nearly fell out of his chair when Suki giggled.

* * *

Lunch. 

"So," Toph began, plopping down next to Sokka on the hard bench. "How goes the seduction?"

He sighed, twirling his fork in his fingers. "Not so well. She keeps laughing at me."

Toph snorted. "So does everyone else."

"Hey!"

"You can't honestly say she's lying." Aang settled across from them, reaching out for a goblet. "But just give it time. At least the last time she laughed at you, it was sort of… _with _you." He saw Sokka's confused expression. "Zuko told me about your History class."

"Zuko also said you're pathetic," Toph added.

Then Sokka saw something that made his insides burn hot and angry. Red flashed before his eyes, and he forgot to be indignant at being called pathetic. Because at the end of the table, munching on a chicken leg, and looking absolutely adorable doing it, sat Suki… very close to a large male body that Sokka was sure didn't belong to him. In fact… he was rather certain it belonged to Zuko.

And what the hell was Zuko doing, moving in on Sokka's girl? Zuko _knew _Sokka was going to ask her out; half the male population of Hogwarts knew. But Zuko knew better than anyone.

So what was he doing sitting so close to her? What were they doing with their heads bowed together, and, by the look of it… laughing together?

_Zuko, _Sokka thought, _I'm going to castrate you. _

But just as he was getting ready to permanently render his best friend incapable of reproduction, said best friend did something very odd.

Zuko stood up, his gold eyes oddly bright, grinning as he turned his back on Suki. Then, as he passed Sokka, Zuko did something very un-Zuko-ish: he winked.

_What the hell? _

In fact, Sokka was once again about to stand and pursue his best friend—to find out what in the name of Merlin had possessed him to _wink—_except that at that very moment two very warm, _very _adorable hands circled around his neck. A certain brown-haired head came to rest on his shoulder.

"I'd love to go to Hogsmeade with you," Suki whispered in his ear. And then, with a peck on the cheek, she swished and disappeared in a cherry-scented breeze, gone as quickly as she'd come.

Sokka was in shock. Aang and Toph were both staring at him, waiting for him to breathe. He was starting to turn red.

Through his Suki-induced haze, Sokka vaguely noticed Zuko lounging against the doorframe, still wearing that absolutely unholy smirk. And even as Zuko spun on the spot and disappeared into the entrance hall, Sokka made a mental note to get him a very big present while he was in Hogsmeade with Suki.

* * *

Probably not as funny or interesting as last time, but I had fun writing it. I'm just obssessed with both Zuko and Sokka, so I love to write them as friends, and all the weird stuff they'd get into. 

So... yes. Hope you liked, and hope you review! NOTE: Please submit any ideas or plots or quotes or anything you'd like to see in these oneshots; it's really just whatever, and I'd love to write some stuff for you guys. So, please, send stuff in!

And I think I'm going to write more about Sokka's ladies. I'm thinking of Ty Lee and a certain... hostage situation.

-sugarland


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